How to have a good conversation

Is there anything more profound than a question? Maybe thoughtful silence is more profound than a question.

I wondered this morning if I have ever heard an answer that was nearly as profound as the question to which it responds.

As a child, life revolves around you. In your mind it is not the sun or the earth at the center of the universe, it is you. Paul the Apostle says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways." (I Cor. 13:11) There must come a point when you stop behaving as the center of your own universe.

It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I began to be interested in what other people think. I always acted like I wanted to have a good conversation or discussion with someone but what I really wanted was to be right, to be impressive, to win the day. Amazing how easy narcissism can be!

So I began to ask people questions. I asked questions about their work, their hobbies, their interests, their passions and often asked how they feel about church. First lesson learned: people are interesting! Second lesson learned: you can learn something from anyone.

More recently, I've become very interested in the rare jewel that is a good and true conversation.

Emily Post is quoted as saying: "Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory."

Katsumoto, in The Last Samurai, says: "I have introduced myself. You have introduced yourself. This is a very good conversation."

With whom do you enjoy talking? Is there someone in your life with whom it is enough to just sit and talk?

What makes a good conversation? I have an idea that if you could teach someone to carry on good conversations it would help every one of that person's relationships.

Here's the instant gratification version of how to be good at conversation: "...let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19)

For those who want a little more, here's a list of tips to help you become a good conversationalist (these are not original, I got them here):

A good conversationalist is patient and kind.

A good conversationalist does not envy or boast.

A good conversationalist is not arrogant or rude.

A good conversationalist does not insist on his own way.

A good conversationalist is not irritable or resentful.

A good conversationalist does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.

A good conversationalist bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

I'll let you be the judge. If someone treated you as described in these seven statements, wouldn't that make for a very good conversation?

This year, ask more questions than you attempt to answer. Along the way you may learn much and improve a little.

Here's a starter. What do you want to talk about?